Building Connections & Friendships

Written by Jamie Schrager, Psy.D

Valentine’s Day is about more than chocolate and romance – it’s also a celebration of connection and kindness.

For children, this holiday is a wonderful opportunity to explore what it means to be a good friend. As parents, we play a pivotal role in helping our children develop the social skills they need to build meaningful relationships. 

Research has shown that early positive social interactions help children develop empathy, build problem-solving skills and increase resilience. Valentine’s Day offers a perfect moment to focus on connection and kindness. Try out the tips below to help your child strengthen their friendship skills. 

• Model Kindness Your child’s first lessons in friendship come from watching your interactions. When they see you offer a kind word to a cashier, feel you listen patiently to their stories, or hear about a fun activity you did with a friend, you are showing them how to be a good friend. You can use Valentine’s Day to model acts of kindness together, such as writing notes of appreciation to family members, friends and teachers, or baking cookies to share.
• Practice “Friendship Phrases” Teach your child phrases such as, “Can I play with you?”, “Do you want to play with me?”, “Do you need help?”, “May I have a turn?” and “I’m sorry for hurting your feelings.” Role-play scenarios to help your child feel comfortable using these phrases with their peers.
• Celebrate Friendship Skills Board games are great opportunities for children to practice turn-taking, winning and losing, and sharing. Praise your child when they demonstrate prosocial skills by saying, “You waited so patiently when I thought about my next move. That makes it fun to play with you!” or, “I know that staying calm when your sister won was not easy. Way to go!”
• Guide Through Conflict Disagreements are a normal part of childhood friendships. Teach your child how to calmly and assertively express their feelings  if a conflict should arise. You can use language such as, “What could you say to tell your friend how you feel?” or “I wonder how you/your friend was feeling when you said that.”
• Encourage Acts of Kindness Little acts of kindness help children feel the joy of giving and connecting. This Valentine’s Day, ask your child to think of ways they can show kindness to others - offering a compliment, helping a sibling clean up, or drawing a picture for a classmate are great examples. After your child completes an act of kindness, help them reflect on how they feel.