Written by Jamie Schrager, PsyD
We are all eager to build confidence and resilience in our children - in fact, I’ve never come across a parent or teacher who has not prioritized resilience as a goal for their children. One effective approach is to focus on the type of praise we offer. Research indicates that the way we praise our children can significantly impact their motivation and ability to handle challenges.
The Impact of Praise on Children’s Mindsets
Many studies have shown that praising children for innate abilities, such as saying, “You’re so smart,” or, “you're a natural at this!” can lead them to believe their abilities are static and unchangeable, making them more likely to avoid future challenges for fear of failing. Dating back to 1998, researcher Carol Dweck found that children praised for their intelligence were more likely to shy away from difficult tasks to maintain their “smart” image.
In contrast, praising effort and strategies fosters a belief in children that their abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work. This perspective encourages them to embrace challenges, persist through difficulties, and view effort as the path to success. This finding has been replicated repeatedly; for example, a 2023 study titled, “Mistakes Help Us Grow: Facilitating and Evaluating Growth Mindset Supportive Language in Classrooms” highlighted that when teachers used language supporting the idea of growth through effort, students were more likely to embrace challenges and persist through difficulties.
Practical Strategies to Encourage a Growth Mindset
To help your child build self-confidence and resilience, consider incorporating the following strategies:
- Acknowledge effort over innate ability. Instead of: “you’re so smart,” try, “I noticed how much effort you put into solving that problem.” This emphasizes the value of hard work and persistence.
- Celebrate the process, not just the outcome. Rather than focus solely on the end result, appreciate the steps your child took to get there. Instead of, “Wow, 100 on your math test,” or “you were incredible at your piano recital,” try, “I’m proud of how you tried different strategies to figure out that math problem,” or “your nightly practice sessions really paid off!”
- Encourage a love for learning: Foster curiosity by asking open-ended questions such as, “what did you learn from this?” or, “how did you feel after soccer practice?” This promotes self-reflection and a focus on growth.
- Normalize mistakes as learning opportunities: help your child understand that errors are a natural part of learning. Low stakes moments are great opportunities to practice this strategy (“Oops, I burned the toast. Next time I will set a timer!”)
By focusing on these approaches, you can help your child develop a more resilient mindset, better equipped to face challenges and grow from them.