By: Eli Mast, LMFT
Whether your child is getting ready to start Kindergarten, Preschool, or Daycare for the first time, this whole new experience can come with a lot of different feelings. As a caregiver, you might have a combination of pride, relief, hope, or even grief as your family makes this transition. And yes, this is a whole family transition! New routines and schedules, and lots of new people to meet. I want to hold space for that. This is a transition for your child, but also for you and everyone in your family.
Your child might be feeling excited, anxious, confused, or indifferent. Whatever you, your child, or anyone else in your family is feeling is okay and normal. We are going to take a simple approach to help bring everyone some comfort - talk about it. Talk about school early and often! The more you talk about it, the more prepared you, your child, and your whole family will be. Talk about who is going, what happens in school, when they are going, where it is, why school is important, and finally… When the big day happens, ask how their day was!
Talk About “Who”
Schools can be large and have many different people. Talk about all of them, such as teachers, nurses, bus drivers, and cafeteria staff. Discuss their roles and how they can help your child if they need support. Most importantly, talk about who they might know at the school already to build familiarity-and make sure your child knows how they will be picked up and dropped off.
Talk About “What”
Not only do we meet new people at school, but we also do many new things. Discuss with your child what happens at school. Practice things like circle time, recess, going potty by themselves, or reading a book. Try reading a book about school or going to new places such as “Benny the Brave in The First Day Jitters” or “Keisha the Kind in New Camp Courage”.
Talk About “When”
Make a special countdown so they know when the big day is coming. We want kids to have plenty of time to know when school starts. You can even try a calendar as a visual to show them that school isn't every day. On “S” days like Saturday and Sunday, we get to be home. Predictability and consistency are everything during a moment of change.
Talk About “Where”
Showing kids where their school is located can give them a more tangible understanding of where they will be going. Drive past the school they will be going to or take a walk there. You might be able to point out some landmarks such as the playground, where their class might be, or pickup and drop-off zones.
Talk About “Why”
This part is really important. Going to school can be confusing. Why do we have to go when we can just do the same thing we have always done? Frame this in a positive way. Instead of saying, “because I have to go to work” or “because the law says you have to go to school.” Try saying, “We go to school to learn together with teachers and friends. At school, we learn to share, help, listen, and solve problems.” This gives children concrete answers that are relational and feel safe.
Talk About “How”
There is going to be so much novelty that comes with school. And continuing the conversation around school can help ease all the transitions that come with it. Ask, "How was your day at school?" not just the first day, but every day! Specific questions often open up more conversation than general ones. Try "What did you play at recess?" or "Who did you sit next to at circle time?" By continuing the conversation, you open the door to learn about the transition, problem-solve situations that might arise, and maintain the close bond you had before school started.
Never stop talking about school. It is about to become a huge part of who they are. Just like those of us who work a full-time job, which is now maybe intertwined with who you are. School will become this for your child. And it all starts with talking about it. Because in this case, knowledge isn’t just power. It's everything!
Frequently Asked Questions
“What if I am the one feeling anxious about my child starting kindergarten?”
Of course you are! Anxiety is a natural response to any change, and this is a huge shift for your whole family. Recognize that your anxiety comes from a place of wanting what is best for your child, and hope that they will have a great experience in school. That being said, talk about your anxieties out of earshot of your child. (And assume that little ears are listening-even when your child is busy doing something else.) Kids’ brains are designed to feed off of your emotional states. The cooler and calmer you seem about school, the more confident they will feel.
