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Little Kids in Big Spaces: Why Taking Little Kids Out in Public Feels So Hard (and What Helps)

Little Kids in Big Spaces: Why Taking Little Kids Out in Public Feels So Hard (and What Helps)

Emily Humphries, OTD, OTR/L


If you were to ask me what the hardest part of having little kids is…The answer would come instantly: leaving the house. Think: the grocery store, any restaurant, any “quick” errand...suddenly takes 15 extra steps and 45 minutes. 

As an occupational therapist-and a mom of three little kids- I know I’m not the only mom who feels this way. At home, kids know what to expect. (and little kids thrive on predictability.) When we leave the house, kids face new expectations, unfamiliar sensory stimuli, and less-familiar stressors, like parking lots.

Kids know what to expect in their own environment-and so do we. When we leave the house, kids face new anxieties that can make their behavior less-than-ideal.  This can make any simple outing feel overwhelming (for you and your kids). Here are a few tips for navigating outings with little kids, without losing your cool:

Set your expectations lower. Then lower them again.

Take a minute to consider if the expectations that you’re holding for your little are developmentally appropriate. Ask yourself, “is my child’s brain capable of what I am asking of them right now?” Often, the answer to that question is “no.” Kids’ brains start to develop the capacity for impulse control around 3.5 years. Impulse control gets a little bit stronger around 4 years, but it really takes until 6 to solidify. In an unfamiliar environment, when a child’s brain is already working hard to stay regulated, impulse control skills might be even less available than usual.

That’s important to keep in mind-because some of the most stressful behaviors that little kids display outside of the house are rooted in a lack of impulse control. Things like running into a parking lot, grabbing a colorful box at the grocery store, or bumping into a stranger. Keep in mind that outings are an opportunity to practice impulse control, but that mistakes are a hugely important part of the learning process. When your little one makes a mistake, take a deep breath and put on your teaching hat. Remember, teaching them how to do it differently next time is the goal.

Consider who you are parenting for.

When I first became a mom, I realized that I cared A LOT about what other people thought of my parenting. The sideways glances in the grocery store while my twins sang songs in the cart would make my heart race. It took time for me to make an important cognitive shift: other people’s opinions are not my business. When we go out in public, I remind myself that I am parenting for myself and my family, not for the opinions of others.

That means that I make parenting decisions based on: what my kids need in the moment, and what will teach them how to navigate the setting we are in. Sometimes, that means letting them have a crunchy snack in the grocery store to help them stay regulated. Sometimes, it means allowing my kids to take up space in an age-appropriate way (singing while riding in the grocery cart isn’t illegal, after all).

Kids need opportunities to learn socially appropriate behavior, and they’ll never learn if we don’t give them the opportunity to make mistakes. When you take your kids out and about this summer, remember that their brains are working overtime to learn the expectations of a new environment. And mistakes are an important part of the learning process.

Frequently Asked Questions:

“How can I help my child develop impulse-control?”

  • Impulse control is an executive functioning skill that requires a certain amount of development in the pre-frontal cortex before kids can access it. That sounds pretty technical, but what it ultimately means is that kids need a lot of impulse-control practice in safe environments. Especially between ages 3-6 years. Playing games that require waiting, taking turns, and following simple instructions is one of the best ways to help kids develop impulse control.

 

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