We’ve all been there. The meltdown hits like a tidal wave. Suddenly, your sweet child is a whirlwind of tears, shouts, and flailing limbs. Instinct kicks in, and we launch into our arsenal of calming techniques: “Take deep breaths! Use your words! Calm down!” But often, these well-intentioned phrases don’t work and leave us feeling frustrated and helpless.
Why? Because in the heat of a tantrum, your child’s brain is in a state of crisis. Imagine a fire alarm blaring in your house – you’re not going to sit down and calmly solve a math problem, are you? Similarly, when a child is overwhelmed by emotion, their brain shifts into “fight, flight, or freeze” mode.
What’s happening during a tantrum?
During a tantrum, the amygdala, the emotional center of the brain, takes over. This triggers a surge of stress hormones, effectively shutting down the prefrontal cortex – the part of the brain responsible for rational thought, problem-solving, and decision-making. In essence, your child’s “thinking brain” is temporarily offline.
This explains why reasoning with a child in the midst of a meltdown doesn’t help. They simply cannot process or respond to logic. Trying to teach them new coping strategies during this time is like trying to teach someone to swim while they’re drowning. This is often why a child will protest during a tantrum when you offer strategies.
The Power of Calm:
So, what’s the solution? The answer lies in shifting our focus to proactive, rather than reactive, strategies. We need to build a foundation of self-regulation skills before the emotional storm hits, during those precious moments of calm.
As someone who meditates, when I first began my practice, I told my mentor that it’s hard to make time for meditation when I have a busy day ahead. She told me those are the days you should meditate longer. Why? Because when we work on regulation while we’re calm, we are more likely to regulate ourselves faster when met with a challenge. The same is true for kids. We have to build a foundation.
Why Calm is Key: The Prefrontal Cortex Connection
When your child is calm, their prefrontal cortex is fully engaged and ready to learn. This is the optimal time to introduce and practice self-regulation techniques. Think of it as planting seeds in fertile ground. During these peaceful moments, you can:
- Teach them to identify their emotions: Help them recognize the physical and emotional cues that precede a meltdown.
- Practice coping strategies: Introduce breathing exercises, mindfulness techniques, or physical activities that can help them calm down.
- Build an emotional vocabulary: Help them put words to their feelings, so they can communicate their needs effectively.
- Reinforce positive behaviors: Praise and reward them for using their coping strategies successfully.
By consistently practicing these skills during calm moments, you’re building neural pathways that will enable your child to access these strategies when they need them most. You’re essentially equipping them with a toolkit of coping mechanisms that they can draw upon when faced with challenging emotions.
Building Resilience:
This proactive approach not only helps children manage their emotions in the moment but also builds their resilience in the long run. By learning to self-regulate, they develop a sense of control over their feelings, boosting their confidence and self-esteem. That’s why the Team Supercrew books fit in seamlessly with this proactive approach. When you read the books while your child is calm, you can discuss different self-regulation strategies to use the next time they experience a big emotion.
Instead of waiting for the storm to hit, let’s focus on building a calm and supportive environment where our children can learn and practice the skills they need to navigate their emotional landscape. By investing in these calm moments, we’re investing in their emotional well-being and setting them up for a lifetime of success.
